How We Produced Our 2020 Wedding
*To jump past the introductory narrative and go right to the how-to, scroll to the line break.
Photo: Nicole Lee Photography.
On September 19, I married my weirdo soulmate, Brandon Koking, at The Carnegie Center of Columbia-Tusculum in Cincinnati. We got engaged in March 2019, and because we had quite a few weddings to attend that year already, we decided to take our time, save some money, and have an 18-month engagement.
By February this year, we had booked our ceremony/reception venue, our caterer, our photographer, our florist, our wedding coordinator, our DJ, our hair stylist and makeup artist, and our hotels for out-of-town guests. We’d officially “proposed” to our wedding party (all 24 of them — yes, you read that correctly), and I’d ordered my dress. Each of us had bachelor and bachelorette getaways in the mix (Brandon was headed to Vegas for the NFL draft while I was headed upstate to treehouse cabins and wineries). We had a guest list of 220+, we had dates for bridal showers in the books, and good friends of ours gifted us a week at their timeshare resort in Jamaica for our honeymoon.
Cue: the COVID-19 pandemic in March.
We migrated our offices to our home, sheltered in place, and told ourselves that this would all be under control by September. We weren’t alone in thinking that. Between the government outlining a game plan to flatten the curve and our vendors expressing optimism that we would be fine, we didn’t think we needed to make drastic changes to our plans — certainly not as drastic as the couples who were planning their spring and summer weddings.
With that confidence in mind, we began to think of our wedding as more than a celebration of our marriage but a reunion of sorts with all of our favorite people. We would feed them incredible food and alcohol, play music all evening, and give everyone permission to party after months of isolation. So, we sent our wedding invitations in March.
Invitations: Minted.
Photo: Nicole Lee Photography.
As we all know, the pandemic didn’t slow down, and a combustible mix of politics, fear, and uncertainty swept over the country.
I’m the cautious one in our relationship, imagining the very worst of scenarios and planning accordingly. Brandon flies by the seat of his pants, and relies on quick thinking and confidence to lead him through unexpected situations. (The pandemic, I think, exacerbated both of these qualities.) We ultimately decided that no matter how it happens, we were getting married on September 19 — whether that looked like our original plans or a trip to the courthouse. Maybe if we were younger (I’m 31, he’s 37), we would have postponed altogether, but we’ve been planning our life around this event.
Cases continued to rise and debates about controlling the pandemic raged on into the summer. Brandon and I both cancelled and reimagined our original bachelor and bachelorette party trips. He and his groomsmen went to an Air BnB in Louisville, and my bridesmaids hosted a party weekend with the girls here in Cincinnati. My mother, sister, and sister-in-law threw a pared-down version of a bridal shower for me in an indoor/outdoor space in June. The couples’ shower that Brandon’s mother and aunt were planning for August changed completely.
Photo: Nicole Lee Photography.
Then in July, Governor Mike DeWine held a press conference in which he asked Ohioans to sacrifice a little now so that we can all stay safe and return to some kind of normalcy, sooner rather than later. I wasn’t surprised that we’d arrived at this place: I’d become a sober realist who was watching the world split down the middle between skepticism and preparedness. Some of our guests, by then, had already told me that they didn’t feel comfortable attending our wedding, and many of our older family members preemptively cancelled their travel plans. All of these decisions, we more than understood and respected.
Everyone always tells a bride, “This is your day, it’s all about you, you deserve to have exactly what you want!” or some variation of that. I understand the intention behind this, and while I’ve never thought of myself as a demanding or princess-type bride, the sentiment was no longer relevant at all. Best-laid plans are always ideal, but if 2020 has taught me anything, it’s that there’s very little you can actually control when you’re working with so many people and so many variables. Bridal myopia is a privilege very few can afford in the middle of a global public health crisis.
I carried the feelings and concerns of everyone who was close to me, for better or for worse. Their suggestions to us ran the gamut from letting people make their own decisions about attending to cancelling altogether to throwing caution to the wind. Opinions swirled around us, not just about the pandemic itself but also about deposits we’d put down with our vendors, and money already spent on expenses. Going to the courthouse in exchange for a wedding no longer seemed as simple as it sounded. If we cancel now, who’s to say we won’t be able to do this for another year? Or another two years? It started to look like cancelling would beget even more cancellations, changes, and unknowns. I couldn’t stomach the thought of doing this for another year or so.
Each of us who was closely involved in the planning had to do a gut-check to see what scenario we were comfortable with. Each of us had different feelings. As an empath, this was a nightmare because I can’t not feel the concerns of others, and I was soaking up opinions like a sponge. That bridal executive privilege was pinging all the while, not making it any easier to arrive at a final decision.
At the end of some very emotionally taxing days, I asked myself what I was personally comfortable with — not what I wanted and dreamed about as a bride, but what eased my mind the most. I simply couldn’t remove the anxiety and stress of gathering about 200 people in an enclosed venue. I didn’t even want to attend that event.
Here was another gut-check: I truly did want Brandon, our families, and our friends to enjoy themselves and have an evening of celebration, if for no other reason than just to thank them for supporting us through this time. I missed everyone, I missed normalcy, and I missed being able to treat people to little heartwarming comforts like cooking them food, having meaningful conversations in person, and hosting get-togethers at our home. I knew that missing things wasn’t an excuse to be reckless, but I also wondered if our wedding might actually bring about some joy and happiness in an otherwise gloomy time.
Photo: Nicole Lee Photography.
Brandon has always told me that he’d marry me anywhere, in any fashion, “even in a run-down, abandoned garage,” if the world had become apocalyptic. I knew that whatever I decided, he would back me up, even if he personally felt differently.
What felt right to me was this: If we could reimagine our wedding in a way that made our guests (and ourselves) feel welcome and safe, while giving everyone involved patience and flexibility, we were going to give it a shot.
Luckily, those qualities that the pandemic had exacerbated — in which I’m careful and prepared, and Brandon strides through on-the-spot problem-solving — proved indispensable. We met somewhere in the middle and re-envisioned our wedding, two months before it took place.
Here’s How We Did It
Note: Since the time of our wedding, Gov. DeWine has increased and modified the restrictions and requirements related to events. We’re currently experiencing a surge of cases and spread which is far more intense than what we were experiencing in Ohio in September. Here’s the most recent health order to limit mass gatherings in Ohio, which was released on Nov. 17.
Our original plan, pre-pandemic:
An anticipated final guest count of about 175
Ceremony and reception in the same room, with guests seated at long tables that each had about 14 seats (the same tables they would be at for dinner)
Cocktail hour with music, mingling, a mashed potato bar, and a chips and salsa table
Plated dinner service, including:
Heirloom tomato gazpacho
Roasted potatoes and aioli
French onion chicken (portobello mushroom for vegetarians) on a parmesan risotto truffle with grilled veggies, all cooked in a parchment bag which would be cut open on guests’ plates by the servers
An elaborate dessert buffet and coffee bar, including cookies, cupcakes, donuts, brownies, and to-go boxes for each guest (we decided this would be our guest favors)
Extra, comfy seating in the bar area, giving guests a break from the music
Hotel blocks at two different hotels (one downtown, one just outside of downtown for folks who didn’t want to manage city traffic), each with shuttle transportation to and from the venue
A poprawiny (PO-pra-vee-nee) at my parents’ house the next day. A poprawiny is a Polish tradition in which the families gather the day after the wedding to enjoy more casual festivities, and the newlyweds open gifts.
Here are the recommendations and requirements from the state of Ohio for catering and event venues that came out in July:
No self-serve stations (desserts, appetizers, coffee, and even salt and pepper shakers and condiments at the tables)
No buffet-style food service
No bar-type atmospheres (no seating, no high-top tables)
Tables must be spaced six feet apart
Venues must provide ample sanitizing stations
Limit guest capacity to 300 people
Limit dancing and social interactions
Request that guests who feel sick or symptomatic stay home
Strongly encourage guests to wear face masks except when eating and drinking
We decided that the fairest approach would be to reduce the guest count to immediate family members, wedding party, wedding party guests, and a few extra folks. That brought us to about 60 guests. We created a seating chart based on who those guests normally interact with on a daily basis, rather than mix it up completely. We didn’t keep the wedding party together, and instead sat them with their significant others. We also kept our respective families together at their own tables.
We also decided to livestream the ceremony and parts of the reception for the folks who couldn’t attend anymore. Even better, our caterer gave us an idea that would introduce a brand-new way to virtually enjoy live events.
To-Go Meals: Our Virtual Guests Are Still Our Guests
Our caterer, Jeff Thomas, offered to prepare the same meal that our on-site guests would enjoy, and package them as to-go meals for local guests who live within 30 miles of the venue. That way they could tune in to our livestream, make themselves some drinks for cocktail hour while reheating their meals at home, and enjoy dinner “with us” when we returned to the livestream for the reception. Each to-go meal included appetizers, an entree, and desserts, as well as directions on how to reheat, prepare, and enjoy. We all still got to enjoy the incredible menu that Jeff created before we made any changes.
Here’s how the logistics of the to-go meals worked:
We combed through our guest list to see who would be local, and contacted them to see if they’d like to receive a meal while viewing our livestream. About half of them accepted, and half of them graciously declined, requesting that we put the money we’d spend on their meal towards our honeymoon, or a house, or whatever we’d like. We ended up with a total of 62 to-go meals.
Delivering to every household would have been way too tricky, time-consuming, and expensive. So we chose three locations (homes of family and friends) throughout the region where guests picked up their meals. That included central, western, and northern Cincinnati locations.
We established delivery times for the catering company to drop off the meals to each location, and then communicated to our virtual guests a specific window of time for them to pick up from that location on the day of the wedding.
Perhaps one of my favorite parts of the wedding ended up being the moments I spent looking at my Instagram notifications, in which people documented their meal prep at home and snapped shots of them enjoying their meal in front of their laptops and televisions.
Our friends Kelsie and Rich (left) made a date night of our wedding by having some wine, enjoying their catered meals, and sharing a slow dance together as Brandon and I shared ours onscreen. Our friend Jessica Shvarts (right) streamed our wedding and cast it to her television in the comfort of home, also while enjoying her catered meal.
Selecting a Streaming Platform
Not all streaming platforms are the same, and neither are the experiences for the viewer. Here’s how I assessed the platform options:
Vimeo comes with access to production panel software that lets the livestream manager control a variety of production elements, like audio levels and transitions between multiple cameras on-the-fly. It’s pricey, though, and in order to livestream, you need to purchase a membership that starts at $75/month. They also don’t have access to customer service outside of normal business hours, so if anything happened during the day of the event, we would have been screwed.
YouTube was appealing, but I’d read way too many blogs and watched way too many videos about how quickly the platform shuts down any stream that has copyright music. This wasn’t going to work for us, since I was planning to walk down the aisle to an instrumental track from Hadestown, the dance I shared with my father was “Stand By Me,” and the dance Brandon had with his mother was “Forever Young.”
Facebook seemed like a logical choice, since it’s free to livestream, but not everyone has an account, and we didn’t want to make people create a profile or return to the platform if they’d already left it.
Zoom has a broader reach and is more compatible with the audience for which we were streaming. We needed people to be able to just click a link and view. Since there’s a 40-minute time limit on meetings with more than three people, we would need the Pro subscription at $15/month.
We ultimately decided to go with Zoom. It’s familiar, easy, and relatively fool-proof. Here were the settings that we controlled on the backend of the meeting:
The meeting was password-protected
Video for the host: on. Video for the participant: off
Mute participants upon entry
Automatically record meeting on the local computer
We directed all of our virtual guests to the livestream page of our wedding website, where we included the Zoom link, the password, instructions on how to set-up a Zoom account, and a timeline of events.
Producing the Livestream
I’ve worked with video for marketing projects, I have a network of theater pros who are seasoned with live performances, and I have a master’s degree in film, so I figured producing the livestream would be a breeze to set up on my own.
With the advice of a friend and theater/event professional and IATSE member, Steve Williams, I purchased a Blackmagic ATEM Mini — a video switcher that can handle up to four video feeds and allows the livestream manager to control production elements in real time (it’s freakin’ awesome). We planned for Steve to manage the livestream at a table on-site near the DJ (also named Steve and known as “DJ Steve the Greek,” or rather, “Greek”), with all video and audio feeds connecting to the switcher, and the Zoom meeting being monitored on a laptop. We agreed that if we were going to do this — “we” being creative media and event professionals who rely on rehearsals and pre-production planning — it had better be high-quality.
“All” I needed to do next (within a span of about six weeks while still working full-time) was:
Figure out a shot list and camera placement
Find folks within the 60-person guest list who were already attending (but weren’t part of our 24-person wedding party) who could man a camera
Make sure those folks would be comfortable with filming live, and if not, set up some quick training
Scout the location and assess the natural light at the same time of day as our ceremony
Request a CAD layout of the venue to see where the outlets are placed so that we could create schematics and map a route for the cables between the cameras and the video switcher
Connect with Greek to let him know of the changed plans and see how his equipment would feed into our hardware and software
Track down, borrow, or rent two more cameras and tripods, and purchase extra cables
Filter all of these details to our day-of wedding coordinator, Clare Jaymes/Clarity Events
Test-drive everything a number of times to make sure it ran smoothly
I got about that far in the process (making a to-do list) before I cracked and realized I needed to offload the responsibility. I couldn’t be a bride and a party host and a video producer and a sane human being all at the same time, during a pandemic, with a brand new wedding plan that just got more complex, navigating an environment that was constantly changing under our feet. Not to mention, we’d split the wedding responsibilities down the middle, and Brandon was already overloaded with tying up loose ends with our other vendors, along with managing the rehearsal dinner plans and working full-time.
So, after having a mini-emotional breakdown, I called my friend Austin Mitchell, who’s worked in entertainment and live events for a number of years in Cincinnati. He hooked us up with Byron Hutchins and his production company, Fig. 8. Byron is a sound and lighting designer, and technical director who manages live events around the region, like concerts and TEDx events. He doesn’t ordinarily do weddings, but then again, this was not an ordinary wedding. I called Steve to let him know that I was on the verge of lunacy, needed a Xanax and a nap, and told him that now he could simply enjoy the wedding weekend as a beloved guest. Like the stand-up, big-hearted friend that he is, he was happy to oblige.
In the span of a 30-minute phone call, I got Byron up to speed with what Steve and I had already done and what the basic production needs were. I offered to give him the ATEM video switcher I’d already purchased, and he knocked the price off his overall service fees. He assured me that not only has he filmed live productions, but he has a treasure trove of hardware, software, and equipment. I nearly fainted. Or I cried, I don’t remember. It was all a blur.
Byron set up a production control room in the bar area, since that space couldn’t have any seating or tables. He set up the laptop, where he managed the Zoom meeting, and ran cables that connected to Greek’s audio feeds. Greek handled audio and sound by fitting our officiant with a wireless lapel mic that could pick up Brandon’s and my voices as well at the ceremony. He fed audio from his mixer directly to Byron’s control room, and we used a handheld mic for speeches and toasts at the reception. This sound design approach allowed us to control the audio better and prevent it from being overwhelmed with ambient noise (like background chatter and echoes within the ballroom). The result was that, on the Zoom call, you could only hear Greek’s music, the officiant’s lapel mic, and the handheld mic. This is definitely what you want if you’re hosting a Zoom meeting event — without any sound control, it’s just a loud hodgepodge of noises that altogether sound terrible.
Byron used three cameras that don’t require any operators, that have zoom and rotation abilities for optimal shot positioning, and can be controlled remotely from the control room. Another benefit of this approach was that we didn’t have to bring in any additional people to man the cameras, nor did we have to find space for tripods and cables on the floor, which would have surely been a trip hazard for our guests.
Here are some screenshots from the raw Zoom video. (Note: the quality has been downgraded in the process of compressing the visuals and uploading to this site.)
Camera 1
Camera 2
Camera 3
Other Pandemic-Related Accommodations
In order to adhere to the guidelines and requirements set by the State of Ohio, we made the following adjustments:
At the entrance of the venue, we had a table that had enough face masks for every guest to use if they needed one
We assembled individual dessert boxes, filled with treats from Busken, The BonBonerie, and Frosted Firehouse Cookies (these were custom-made, hand-designed Converse cookies!)
We provided the following disclaimer for our wedding party, many of whom assured us that they didn’t want to “ruin” our photos and video by wearing a mask:
“Do not feel like you need to take a risk that brings you discomfort on our account. We will have hand sanitizer and a limited number of face masks on site. It’s still a pandemic, we’re not pretending that COVID doesn’t exist, and we love you more than a mask-less photo.”
The dining room tables, bathrooms, and bar areas had bottles of hand sanitizer. (A week before the wedding, I spent an afternoon in a zombie state, filling about 20, two-ounce bottles through a shoddily made paper funnel, on my bed while watching some mind-numbing episodes of Real Housewives, half-crying and half-laughing from exhaustion, and decorating each bottle with stickers and rhinestones that 13-year-old Natalie would have adored. Honestly, I wish I would have live-streamed that hauntingly ridiculous scene. It for sure would have gone viral: “Pandemic bride spans the spectrum of gritty emotions as she bedazzles hand sanitizer and has imaginary conversations with Lisa Rinna about gifting bunnies with bad energy.”)
Dessert boxes featuring Converse cookies, tied up with Converse shoelaces: Frosted Firehouse Cookies. Photo: Nicole Lee Photography.
How It All Went
We did it! Our virtual guests tuned in from all over the country and even abroad, our local guests enjoyed some exquisite dinners from Jeff Thomas Catering, and we are now Mr. and Mrs. Brandon and Natalie Koking. We still had a small poprawiny at my parents’ house the next day, too. Our immediate families gathered in my parents’ backyard for relaxing conversations and my mother’s absolutely delicious Polish food.
I’m unbelievably grateful to say that our wedding did not become a super-spreader event. We did not receive any notification from any of our 60 on-site guests, or our vendors, that they became sick as a result of attending.
I like fancy things but I’d marry you with paper rings. Photo: Nicole Lee Photography.
We also got to go on our Jamaican honeymoon at Moon Palace Resort in Ocho Rios! Big, big, big thanks to Janice and Steve Williams — this vacation was desperately needed and deeply cherished. The resort was only operating at 14-percent capacity while we were there, so more often than not, we had the beach to ourselves. For seven days, we relaxed, indulged in our all-inclusive food and drink package, enjoyed swimming in the ocean and at the pools’ swim-up bars, getting to know the amazing resort staff, meeting tourists from around the world, and sleeping. I don’t think I’ve ever slept so much in my life. It was heaven.
That being said, getting to Jamaica had an additional set of steps for health and safety:
Get tested for COVID-19, 10 days before traveling
Apply for travel authorization with documentation of negative test results to The Ministry of Tourism in Jamaica. When we were approved, we each received travel authorization certificates that we needed to board our flights and get through customs
Go through a health and risk assessment immediately upon arriving at the airport in Jamaica. This included temperature checks and a discussion with a health officer to document any possible symptoms of illness
Download the JamCOVID19 app which tracks your general location throughout the country while you’re there. We landed in Montego Bay and went straight to Ocho Rios, and we didn’t leave the resort property (except for an hour one day to see some of the local shops).
Go. To. This. Resort. The staff is incredible, the atmosphere is relaxing, and the region is absolutely beautiful.
Morals of the Story
Being a pandemic bride and groom was a trip. There’s no other way to put it. To be honest, if we’d held our wedding any later than September, I doubt we would have gone through with it the way that we did, or we would have done a courthouse ceremony with 10 people.
In general, I don’t think our society will go “back to normal” any time soon. Even with vaccines on the horizon, I think it’s fair to assume that many of these public health protocols will linger for a couple of years, and folks will still be understandably wary of gathering.
Here are the insights I’ve gathered throughout this experience and the recommendations I have for any couple that’s planning to have their wedding in a similar scenario:
Don’t be reckless with “unprecedented times.” Be smart. Reconsider your event entirely if the region you’re in is spiking or experiencing a surge (this was not the case for us in September).
Embrace simplicity over indulgence. Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to control too much with too many changing variables.
Be as flexible as gumby.
Consider live-streaming and offering catered to-go meals. Treat your on-site and virtual guests with an equal amount of love.
Hire creative event professionals. The investment is worth every single penny.
Tip those professionals. A lot.
Give people grace and understanding. We’re all navigating this brave new world together.
Think outside the box. A brave new world requires bold and original ideas.
Byron, the patron saint of recording our wedding, after the livestream ended.
Our Vendors
I can’t speak more highly of the vendors who stuck with us, collaborated with us, and did unbelievably great work. Cheers to all of you!
To our wedding party, our family and friends, and everyone who sent us warm wishes: Thank you from the very bottom of our hearts. We love you more than you can possibly imagine, and we’re the luckiest people in the world to have you all in our lives. It takes a village to keep a pandemic bride and groom afloat with their sanity intact. You helped us do exactly that. You’re simply the best.
